The Day I Found Out...

…my wife was pregnant; I wasn’t exactly excited. Kristen was nauseous and vomiting for a few days now. I knew she was pregnant. She knew she was pregnant. Anniston probably knew her mom was pregnant also. However, I was still holding out hope that maybe she was sick with a virus or something. I got in my car around 8pm and went to our local Walgreens. I told the associate that I needed to buy a pregnancy test. He replied, “Must be something in the water, this is the fifth one I’ve sold tonight.” I return home to Kristen. She comes out of the bathroom with a positive test. We take a second test. Second test was also positive. Anniston was not even a year old. What were we thinking (insert jokes here)? The excitement that Kristen was experiencing was soon removed by my poor attitude. I began to think about our life. We need a bigger vehicle. We live in a 2-bedroom home; both rooms are occupied. Maybe it will be a girl and they can share a room. What if it’s a boy? We need a bigger house. We need better jobs. Honestly, I was very stressed and saw this as a negative impact on our family.

Kristen was upset that I was upset. So I had to take a few deep breathes (several times over the next few days). I remember something I said to Kristen the night I found out she was pregnant. After my rant was over, I said something to the effect of, “let’s wait and confirm everything with the doctor before we start planning anything.” Kristen was very excited for another baby, not necessarily this soon, but nonetheless, excited. I, however, have had several premonitions, weird feelings, whatever you want to call them before and after the pregnancy. The first one I will not share yet. The second was that night when I just had a “feeling” that we shouldn’t get too excited just yet.

Let’s fast forward a month or so. We had our pregnancy confirmed by our nurse. Kristen has already shared that with you. A few weeks later we had our first appointment with the Dr. Million. This was my third weird “feeling” (if you want to call it that). I recall sitting in the exam room with Kristen waiting for the doctor to come in. The ultrasound machine parked next to the exam table where Kristen was sitting. I took a picture of the machine and commented to Kristen, “look how old this equipment looks.” It was the same equipment that was used on Anniston and that turned out okay. I’m not sure why I even noticed the equipment. I wouldn’t even be able to recognize new equipment versus old equipment. But I did notice it and mention it to her. Dr. Million examines Kristen and the baby. We were sent to see Dr. Fareeduddin that day to confirm the diagnosis of acrania. Dr. Million told us, “I want you to see a specialist because they have newer, nicer equipment and can see things better than us.” That may not mean anything to most of you but if you are a parent I think you can relate. Parents get “feelings” when things aren’t right. I don’t know how to explain it or even if it makes sense.

Our next appointment is December 15^th at 9:30am. This will be with Dr. Fareeduddin and we will have another ultrasound. We’ll find out if our baby is a little boy or a little girl. Each appointment I get a little anxious. I’m afraid that one day we will not hear that little heartbeat. We ask that you continue to pray with us. We pray for healing for our little baby. Jeremiah 32:27 reads, “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for me?” Our precious baby has a Lord and that Lord is the creator of everything and life itself. We pray for healing. We pray for a miracle. Thank you all again for all you do for us. We appreciate each call, text, email, comment and letter.

Thank you! Harry & Kristen

The Decision

First, we want to thank everyone for all the calls, texts, letters and words of encouragement after our first post. We were, and still are, completely overwhelmed! Your prayers mean more to us than you’ll ever know.

It’s been hard for me to get the courage to post again. I think I’m mostly afraid of what people are going to think. What they’re going to say about me. Everyone already knows our decision, but what will they say when they read my post. But I know God laid it on my heart to start this blog, to share our story and to give Him all the honor and glory.

Let me first say that coming to a decision for Harry & I wasn’t easy, as I’m sure you can imagine. It wasn’t something we knew from the beginning. You see, when we found out the diagnosis (acrania) of our sweet baby, we scheduled a D&C (dialation and curettage) the very next morning at 8:00am. My doctor recommended it and that was my first reaction. Lets get this over. I don’t want to go on like this the rest of the weekend. It was the easy route. I was going to ‘terminate’ my pregnancy tomorrow (Sep 26 2014).

I left Dr. Million’s office and went to have lab work done and register for my procedure. My baby was still alive, so my doctor had to write on my paperwork “fetal demise.” North Florida Regional Medical Center doesn’t do elective abortions. Everyone thought I had miscarried. They were all so sweet and kind while registering me.

We came home that evening in shock and still trying to process everything. We received lots of phone calls that night and some family members came by to love on us and to pray with us. Around 10:30pm that night Harry made the comment, “maybe we should wait and pray about our decision over the weekend.” After lots of tears, I agreed. I had already made up my mind that I would still go through with the D&C, but since he was my husband and asked us to wait a few days, I agreed. He made a phone call to the on-call doctor (Dr. Marichal) that night, explained our situation, and asked if we could have more time in making our decision. Dr. Marichal was very sensitive to our situation and told us to take as much time as we needed. Throughout the weekend there were lots and lots of tears and tons of praying and reading.

On Monday (Sep 29 2014) I called my doctor and asked if we could come in and talk with her some more. We had a lot of questions without answers. What are my risks if we decide to carry? What are the risks for the baby? Will the baby suffer throughout the 9 months? What are the chances I’ll go full term? We were still trying to understand our world with acrania. Dr. Million was able to see us that afternoon and answered our questions as best as she could. In nearly 18 years or practice Dr. Million has never seen a case of acrania. She suggested that we also talk with Dr. Fareed (specialist) again. On Tuesday (Sep 30 2014) we met with Dr. Fareed and asked her the same questions. From day one, each time we spoke with one of these doctors, their words were always, “whatever decision you make is the right decision.” Dr. Million suggested that if we were going to terminate the pregnancy that we do so during the first trimester. That gave us about 2 weeks to make a decision.

Needless to say, the next 2 weeks were THE hardest days of our life. It’s hard to put into words what I felt. I have never felt such hurt, brokenness, confusion, and doubt. My first instinct was to have a D&C. That would be the easiest and quickest way to get this over with. I questioned everyday, how will I survive the next 7 months? What if something happens to me? I do have another child that needs a mother. Is he/she going to be in pain the next 7 months? How will I give birth knowing he/she may not even be alive for a minute? How will I handle he/she not leaving the hospital with me? And the hardest of all, how will I survive burying my child?  So, I continued to pray, and Harry prayed with us every night. Asking God for wisdom, a direction, and a peace that passes all understanding. Harry and I didn’t talk a lot about it over those two weeks. Honestly, what was there for me to say? We both knew our answer needed to come from the Lord. We had, I believe, 2 days before I had to call the doctor’s office and make my decision. Finally, that night, I told Harry I thought we should carry through with the pregnancy. I was, and still am, scared to death. But I knew in my heart that is what God wanted. Harry did as well. 

We believe God has a plan. He knew all of this before I even conceived. We believe this is a part of our story. He wants to use us to be a witness for Him. We knew that we were the only way for our baby to have a chance at life. I’m currently reading a book called, “A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby’s Life Is Expected to Be Brief.” A mother is quoted saying, “How could we terminate this pregnancy and then pray to God to become pregnant again? With a perfect baby next time, please.” Those words were like a slap in the face to me when I first read them, but now they’re words of comfort. Simple, yet true. Every time I ever have a doubt now, I think of those words.

We know that not everyone agrees with our decision, and that’s okay. We don’t ask that you agree with us, we just ask that you continue praying for us. Pray for the health of our baby, the health of myself, wisdom for my doctors and nurses, and strength and peace for my family to get through each day.

Oh, and for all you wondering, we have been back to the doctor since we made our decision. Dr. Million was very supportive and positive. She has been open and honest with us but also willing to research and do as much as she can to help us. Baby Hatcher had a great heartbeat of 150 bpm at that appointment. J  We will continue monthly visits with Dr. Million, Lord willing! 

Baby Hatcher #2 Is On Its Way!

Well, hello! Here we are starting our blog. I never thought the day would come that I'd be a blogger, but here I am! This is what led me to write...


We found out we were expecting our second child around the end of August. [Yes, we got pregnant on our 3 year anniversary trip! Whoop! :)] I had been feeling so sick and tired for about 2 weeks, sent Harry to Walgreens around 10pm one night, and there it was, 2 POSITIVE pregnancy test! We were surprised, but nonetheless, excited! We were going to be parents again and Anniston was going to be a "Little Big Sister" as her Daddy likes to call her. 


I called my doctor's office as soon as I could to schedule an appointment. On September 8, I had my first appointment which was just with the nurse [Heather] to, of course, confirm I was actually pregnant, then to do all my paperwork. She gave us an estimated due date of April 26, 2015. My appointment to see my doctor was scheduled for September 25 at 9:30. When Dr. Million [my obgyn] came in, she said something like "welcome back!" [Haha!] Anniston is only 11 months old, so it came a little soon for all of us! She did her routine of questions, medical history, the norm. I know not all doctors do this, but Dr. Million always does an ultrasound at your first visit. And that's when our roller coaster began. 


While doing the ultrasound, she began to say, "I hate to even say something...", "It could be nothing...", "I don't want to worry you guys...". She said our baby's head didn't look like a nice pretty oval shape like it should. She said it could be a few things but she would feel more comfortable if we saw a "specialist" just to be sure. The specialist has more advanced equipment and can get a clearer picture of our baby. The specialist was in the hospital, just one floor below our doctor. Dr. Million called to see if we could be seen that day. We were able to get an appointment at 2:00 that afternoon. We left the office and as soon as we got on the elevator, tears began to flow. What? What is going on? What could be wrong? Maybe it is nothing. We went and had lunch, ran a few errands, and back to the hospital we went for our appointment with the "specialist."


We sat in that waiting room for what seemed like forever. Harry and I not really saying much to each other. They finally called me back, got my vitals and put us in a room. In came an ultrasound tech to take some pictures. She would say, "there is an arm", "there is another arm", "here are the baby's legs", and when she started taking pictures of the head, she didn't say anything. Not a word about our baby's head. She was as sweet as she could be, said her job was done, the doctor would review the pictures and come in in a few minutes. I promise, not even 2 minutes later, here she came. Dr. Fareed [short for, Fareeduddin], the sweetest, most kind and compassionate doctor I've ever seen, besides Dr. Million. She asked us why we were sent to her and we proceeded to tell her that we had our visit with Dr. Million this morning and she didn't think the head was a "nice, pretty oval shape" and wanted us to see you to get some better pictures to see what was going on. Then it came. She paused for a second and said these words that will forever be pierced in our hearts. "Unfortunately, your doctor is spot on. Your baby has a fatal abnormality, called 'acrania.' Your baby's skull didn't develop. Please know that this is nothing you guys have done." I felt like the room was spinning. I had no clue what to think or really had no clue what she just had said. Harry & I both began to sob. She explained a little more, gave us some options and commended Dr. Million for catching this so early. She hugged me, comforted me and reassured us that this was not our fault. She stepped out of the room to call Dr. Million and gave us a few minutes to ourselves. When she came back in she said that Dr. Million wanted us to come up and see her right away. We thanked Dr. Fareed and she walked us out the back door so we wouldn't see anyone in the waiting room.  


We went back upstairs to Dr. Million's office. The nurse [Erica] lead us to Dr Million's office where we would wait on her to come talk to us. She came right in and tried to comfort us as best she could. She also explained a little more and gave us our options. We left her office heartbroken and shocked. We weren't really sure what just happened. We called our family and headed home to see our baby girl, Anniston. [As I mentioned before, I cannot put into words how wonderful both doctors and all the nurses were to Harry and I that day. We absolutely love North Florida Women's Center!]


This all took place on a Thursday. We spent that weekend processing, researching and praying. On Monday, we went back to see Dr. Million and  ask a few questions. We wanted to know more about acrania and what she could tell us. The very next day, Tuesday, we went back to Dr. Fareed's office to do the same thing. Once again, they couldn't have been more wonderful to us during one of the most difficult times of our life. 


I'm sure you're all wondering what our options were and what decision we made. I'll share what our options were and more details later. Harry and I made our decision, as husband and wife, as a family, that we could continue the pregnancy and trust God. 


We created this blog to keep our family and friends updated on our sweet little angel and to bring honor and glory to Jesus. We desperately covet and appreciate your prayers for us and our family. The past month has already been a whirlwind of emotion and we wouldn't have made it without God as our rock. We know that the next 6 months will also be difficult, and the days after, but we believe in the power of prayer so we ask you to join us in praying for our baby and our family. 


With Love, 

Kristen and Harry